You know what I don’t understand?
How you give your whole life, you sacrifice everything that you have or want so that your children can have everything and then when they get older (teenagers) they don’t even care.
I have three children. My first two were from a marriage that ended because I was young and thought I was in love.
The third is from a guy that I thought I loved but it turned out that he liked pot, cheating and lying more than he loved me.
I was raised in a Christian home. I knew God, saw miracles, felt his presence but decided to live my own life. Unfortunately, my decisions not only affected me but affected the lives of my three children.
I gave my life back to Christ. Met a wonderful man who had never been married, never had kids of his own and knew I could not give him children. He loves these kids as if they were his own. Even though storms have crashed along my shoreline I still have remained faithful to God and his word. I have tried to raise my kids to know God, love God, honor him and to fear him. But I haven’t done enough I guess.
At the age of 17 yrs old my son wanted to move to his Dad’s. He went and came back a year later. He still has not really talked to me about the real reason he came back but he has changed and for the better.
My 16-year-old daughter broke my heart by doing things I never thought she would do. She is failing all her classes, has closed down our great relationship that we use to have and now wants to move to her Dad’s. I feel like she has stuck a knife so deep in my heart and gut right now that I can’t even describe the pain I feel.
Now my 12-year-old wants to move with her Dad where she won’t even be raised by him but by her Aunt and Grandmother.
I have poured my life into these kids. I have ministered, loved, cared for them and all their friends. I have taxied them all around. I basically have done what Mom’s are supposed to do and this is what I get in return.
I cry out to God. Why God? Really? This is the crap I get for loving, caring, and pouring myself into them.
As I sit here and cry I can almost hear him say, “Is that not what you as my child did when you were a teenager? Turned your back on me and ran to the world.”
I guess I did ya know? I knew him, loved him, heard him and walked away from him. God’s heart was broken because he knew what was waiting for me. He knew that the enemy Satan had traps set for me. He knew what my children (his children) would be going through because of my decisions.
Yet through it all…He Loved Me and NEVER left me. Even though there were times I felt all alone, God was waiting for me to come back to him.
WHY DIDN’T I LISTEN SOONER?
I can’t go back and change time. I can only move forward. I will put this in God’s hands and try not to take it back. It doesn’t change the fact that I am broken, crushed and feel like there is nothing left of me. I am trying very hard not to build this wall so that they can’t hurt me anymore because I know in building the wall it will only push them away even further.
GOD HELP ME! This is too much for me to bear so Jesus I give it all back to you.